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A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church,     Enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.     The Priest coughs a few times to get his     Attention but the drunk continues to sit there.     Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.     The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin,     there's no paper on this side either!"

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after     His Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.     He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"     She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.     My husband passed away last night."     The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible.     Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"     She says, "That he did, Father."     The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "     She says, He said,     'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

Mrs. Murphy answers the door one evening, expecting her husband, she's shocked to see his friend at the door, cap in hand. She immediately fears the worst.  The man says, Mrs. Murphy, there's been a terrible accident down at the brewery...Yer husband fell into a vat of stout and drowned. Mrs. Murphy is in shock and falls to her knees crying.  "Tell me, did he at least go quickly?" The man looks down and says, "i'm afraid not, Mrs. Murphy.  He got out three times to pee."     

A Brit, an American and an Irishman are all at the same bar.  Each orders a beer.  Just by coincidence, a fly lands in each of their beers.  The American looks at the dead fly and pushes the beer away. The Brit looks at the fly in his beer, plucks it out and continues drinking. The Irishman grabs his fly by the wings and holds it over the beer and starts screaming, "Spit it out!  Spit it out you bastard!"     

And on the 8th day, God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.